


The Twelve Lost Days of Christmas by Patricia Crumpler

by bookscape



Category: Lost in Space (TV 1965)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-02
Updated: 2019-08-02
Packaged: 2020-07-29 15:20:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20084392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookscape/pseuds/bookscape
Summary: Dr. Smith finally pushes the Robinson family too far at Christmas.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Lost in Space Christmas themed short stories. Droll and whimsical.

_ **The Twelve Lost Days of Christmas** _

_ **(A Lost in Space Story)** _

__ **Pat  
usually writes Zorro stories, but this little wickedly humorous gem was  
written about five years ago and has circulated among some lists ever  
since. It's about time to give it a home where it can be enjoyed  
year round. **

**  
**

**Dear Diary,**

**  
**

**Today at our noon meal Dad reminded us that it is now the Christmas season on earth. We decided to celebrate the holiday as if we were back on our own dear planet. Almost everyone was pleased with this suggestion, but do I have to name the one person who was not thrilled? Even the robot agreed to participate. Each day we will do something special to commemorate this most special season. I am thinking of things I could do for my part. After our supper, Dad asked us to make a little speech about what Christmas means, and to name some memorable past Christmas moments. Judy remembered the time she played Mary at the church pageant and Will remembered the last time we were together with our relatives. (I saw Mother wipe her eye thinking about that, too). Major West remembered winning his rocket wings in December and said that had been his best Christmas ever. I recalled the time I pulled the ribbon on the big moving box and two puppies came hopping out all over me, licking me and smelling so puppy-good. Dad said he did not have a favorite Christmas, but a memory of us three kids hopping into their bed making them get up so we could open our presents Christmas morning. He said that watching us was the most valuable present one could have. Mom agreed and said watching us was her favorite part of the Christmas ritual, too. She also reminded us of the reason for Christmas, and we all kneeled and listened while she thanked God for our safety and the true reason for the holiday. It was a wonderful dinner. Never did dried food taste so good as it did tonight. Now that we are almost out of real food supplies we have to eat the dried food morsels more and more. Of course, Diary, you have now noticed I have not mentioned a certain person. Did this person make a speech? He did, indeed. He pointed out how last year at Christmastime we were in space trying our best to get out of that veladium cloud which had almost completely drained our power stores. We were so panicked we did not even realize the time of year, let alone celebrate. Most of us wanted to forget about that time. But, wait, there is more. He reminded us about the year before when we were on that desert planet and just at Christmas time we were caught in that sand storm which took us two weeks to dig out of. And, the year before that, we had landed on a nice planet, but before we could do anything, we had to spend two days testing water, atmosphere and all of the other things we needed to test before we could set up camp in the rain. We were so mad at him for ruining our warm feeling.**

**  
**

**Dear Diary,**

**  
**

**Today Mom used the last of the flour, sugar, egg powder and cocoa she had been saving to make what she called a Joyous Christmas Season Chocolate Cake. It was a surprise because we had all thought we had none of those supplies and we were really looking forward to dessert, I can tell you. The smell drove us crazy all afternoon. An unnamed person, however, said there was an emergency in the observation room and there was not. We did not think too much of that little lie, except when it was time for dessert, we found the cake gone. We also found this unnamed person in his bunk licking the last little bit of frosting from his fork.**

**  
**

**Dear Diary,**

**  
**

**Today Will became so upset he actually cussed. Mom and Dad sent him to his cabin, and Dad said if he ever heard that again, Will would dine on soap. What happened was Will's present to the family was a neat mixture he made with his chemistry set. He used a big glass bottle and when shaken the clear mixture gave off all kinds of bright colors. It was Will's light show. Unfortunately, Dr. Smith wanted that bottle and he dumped out the chemicals ruining Will's present. Boy, was Will mad. I don't know what made Dad and Mom angrier, Dr. Smith taking the bottle or what Will called Dr. Smith.**

**  
**

**Dear Diary,**

**  
**

**Remember when I said Dr. Smith dumped out those chemicals? Well he said he threw the mixture down the drain, but he actually threw it into the rinse basin where Judy had her face towel. When Judy used the towel not only did she get colors all over her hands, she had all kinds of colors on her face, too. And it would not wash off. Mom said it would have to wear off slowly. Poor Judy, she looked awful. Just awful. And it did not help when Dr. Smith laughed and called her a "horse of different colors." Judy cried.**

**  
**

**DD,**

**  
**

**Tonight after dinner, we sang Christmas Carols. It was lovely. We did not look at Judy, so we would not laugh in the middle of the songs. Dr. Smith looked. Dad was mad. Don was mad. Judy cried.**

**  
**

**DD,**

**  
**

**Today Mom decided she would like a new hairdo for our Christmas Eve party. I helped her comb out her hair and select a new style. I helped her put on the styling helmet. But guess what? Someone, should I mention who, borrowed a few parts from the helmet and did not put them back correctly. When the helmet was programmed to cut one inch, it cut ten, and not evenly, either. Mom's hair was cut to her ears, and it pulled her hair so hard she yelled. Daddy came out and took the helmet off in the nick of time. He had to hug her for an hour to keep her quiet. When Judy came out and saw Mom, she laughed and then started crying again. Boy, does Mom's hair look choppy. Dad is mad. **

**  
**

**DD,**

**  
**

**Today Judy looked a little better. Some of the red is fading. Don told her it made an interesting pattern. Then he said, "Please don't cry." Dad told Mom he loved her new hairstyle that it was very modern. Then Don told Mom "Please don't cry." Dr. Smith said Women were subject to nervous fits and crying jags, and he was glad he never had to indulge their emotional spasms. Dad and Don had to hold Mom and Judy back. Dr. Smith said "Pullease, madame and missy, spare ME your holiday sentiments." Then Don said "Why, I oughtta..." Dr. Smith ate by himself because he said it was too loud and the food was bad enough in quiet. **

**  
**

**Diary,**

**  
**

**Well, I HATE Dr. Smith. I was almost finished with my Christmas play, and he used my papers as a mat where he took apart the air unit to grease it because it was noisy. There was so much grease, I could not read a word. And I spent four days on it. He said he looked at it before he used it and he was certain it was nothing. He said he probably did the family a favor. Don hugged me a little and told me not to cry. I HATE Dr. Smith.**

**  
**

**Dear Diary,**

**  
**

**Today I heard Don begging my Dad to let him eject Dr. Smith out the air lock. I think he was teasing. It took Dad a few minutes before he said "No, Don, Don't." When Will told Dad that Dr. Smith did not do his cleaning chores today and Mom had to do them, I heard Don ask Dad again. I think he was teasing, that time, too. It sure took Dad a long time to say, "No, Don, Don't."**

**  
**

**Dearest Diary,**

**  
**

**I am so glad I have you to talk to. I wonder if we will stay lost and then someone a thousand years from now will find my diary. Oh, by the way, Dr. Smith ruined the surprise Don had for Judy. Now he has to make her something new. Dr. Smith suggested that the new thing be a mask and gloves to hide the colors. I think Don would have hit Dr. Smith, but he was hugging Judy and telling her to please stop crying.**

**  
**

**Diary,**

**  
**

**I think I am going to call you Diane for the next few days, as I am getting tired of always writing to Dear Diary. Or maybe I will name you Dinah. Dad has been working on a secret project for our Christmas party. No one is allowed in the tool compartment, because that is where he is making it. Of course, we all know what it is because Dr. Smith goes in there all of the time to get tools when Dad is not there. Dr. Smith always leaves the door open and I think each one of us has had to close the door.**

**  
**

**P.S. Dr. Smith went into the tool compartment and accidentally knocked over the big chiming clock Dad was making. There were pieces all over the floor. Dr. Smith blamed it on the robot. When Dad started to yell Dr. Smith pointed out that Dad's face had red blotches bigger and more unattractive than the ones on Judy. We could hear Judy's sobs even upstairs.**

**  
**

**Dear Diane,**

**  
**

**Tonight was our Christmas Eve party. We decorated the robot like a tree with our handmade ornaments and Don put on garlands he made from the recycled green plastic of the storage boxes. It was so pretty. The robot stood still for the whole party. I cut out our food morsels with cookie cutters and then used food coloring to make them look like Christmas cookies. Judy gave everyone colorful hats with pictures of angels, and candy canes and other decorations she had painted. They were beautiful. Will gave us each a attractive place mat made from scraps from the recycling bin. It was so festive. Instead of a big clock, Dad put together the useful parts and made a moving thing. We do not know what it is, but it moves and reflects the light. Don gave us each a key chain he made with old mechanical parts. We had some keys a few days ago, but Dr. Smith welded them together to use as a metal prop for his books so he could lay in bed and not have to hold his book. Mom made each of us a dinner napkin with embroidered designs and our names on them. They were so pretty. Did Dr. Smith give any presents, you ask? He certainly did. He gave each one of us a poem. He asked us to read them aloud. Here they are:**

**  
**

**For Dad,**

**  
**

****_The Owl and the Pussy Cat went to space___  
_In a beautiful silver craft_  
_They took some honey, and left their money,_  
_For that, you know they were daft._

**  
**

****_The Owl looked up to the moon above___  
_And sang with a small guitar_  
_Oh, lovely lady, oh lady my love_  
_Accompany me to the stars._

**  
**

****_Pussy said to the Owl, you elegant fowl,___  
_How wonderfully sweet you sing,_  
_Oh, let us not stay, please take me away_  
_And the three of our children we'll bring._

**  
**

****_So they left in a day and were carried away___  
_By mistakes so horribly wrong._  
_They dined upon pills, and other bad swills_  
_And that was the end of their song._

**  
**

**For Will,**

**  
**

****_Twinkle, Twinkle little lad___  
_How did you get so very bad?_  
_Lost in space so very high,_  
_Like a coal chunk in the sky,_  
_Twinkle, Twinkle little lad_  
_Your language makes us very sad._

**  
**

**For Don,**

**  
**

****_Major Dumpty sat on the wall.___  
_Major Dumpty had a great fall._  
_All Robinson's women, Robinson's men_  
_Couldn't put Major together again._

**  
**

**For Mom,**

**  
**

****_There was an old woman from Jupiter II___  
_She had so many chores, she knew not what to do._  
_She washed, and she cleaned and saw all were fed_  
_On dehydrated veggies, dry meat and fake bread._  
_She worked and she worried_  
_And stayed with her goal._  
_She wound up forever just stuck in this hole._

**  
**

**For me, Penny,**

**  
**

****_Little Penny Blue, come blow your horn___  
_You don't have potatoes, green beans or corn._  
_Where is the young girl in black space so deep?_  
_Wondering why she is riding this heap._

**  
**

**And, for Judy,**

**  
**

****_A pretty young lady in space___  
_Had a most unusual case_  
_Reds, greens, and blues_  
_Are the colors she'd use_  
_To decorate all of her face_.

**  
**

**Well, Dinah-Diane, do you know what happened next?**

**  
**

**Don said "That's it. I am gonna do it. John, don't try to stop me. SMITH, let's go." **

**  
**

**Of course Dr. Smith laughed and asked just where did Major West think they were going?**

**  
**

**And Don said, "To the airlock. You have earned it. You have got it."**

**  
**

**Then Dr. Smith laughed again and said it was Christmas, Major West would not do anything so unsociable as sending anyone out the airlock and besides, Major West did not have the courage, and he emphasized the word courage. We all looked at Dad, expecting him to say, "No, Don, Don't." But he did not say a thing, he only stood there with his arms crossed over his chest. So, we all followed them to the airlock. Dr. Smith ridiculed Don the whole way, and the next thing Don said was, "Out you go, flushed like a big turd into space."**

**  
**

** And you know what I heard, Dinah, Dear Dinah Diary? "Click, swoosh, click."**

**  
**


	2. A Lost in Space Christmas Synopsis

A Lost in Space Christmas Synopsis

_**A Lost in Space Christmas Synopsis**_  
  
---  
  
_**This was part of a contest where the entries were only in the form of synopses. Someday, I might have the time to enlarge this into a short story... hopefully before next Christmas. **_  
  
---  
  
**Lost in Space Christmas story….**

**Synopsis**

**The Jupiter II has just landed on a seemingly barren planet to effect repairs on the ship.This planet is cold and harsh and for the most part, the family is relegated to staying inside the Jupiter except for times outside repairing the external navigational equipment.**

**The children are restless and finally, when the weather, which has been not only cold but also windy and snowy, moderates, Will and Penny are allowed out.Smith is coerced into going with them.They are admonished to stay within sight of the ship.**

**They try to make snowmen, but the snow is too cold and dry to pack, so they walk through the powdery substance toward rock formations that they have seen a couple of hundred yards distant.The sun peeks out of the clouds for short times making the snow look almost like a field of diamonds and the children are enchanted, even as they make their way toward the natural formations.Penny remarks that this looks like what she always envisioned the North Pole to be, but Smith quickly squelches that happy sentiment by saying that Santa is not real. **

**When they reach the formations, they discover a large cave, one seemingly devoid of snow inside, despite the blowing wind.In spite Smith’s warnings, the children walk inside and explore.At the far end of the cave, which is fairly shallow, they find a much smaller, almost hidden entrance and enter it.It is dark for a short while, but they walk toward a faint light in the distance. **

**They continue walking, Smith right behind Will, clutching onto the boy’s parka as though his life depended on it.They round a bend in the corridor and find themselves in a well-lit corridor, one that is also warm and seems joyful-beckoning for some reason.They begin to hear friendly sounds in the distance and they also smell things they haven’t experienced since before they left Earth.Excited, the children walk faster and faster until the corridor ends in an enormous cavern that is so huge that they cannot see the end of it.It is bustling with activity, small entities running hither and thither in a sort of organized chaos.Will, Penny and Smith watch in amazement as a variety of things seem to travel in huge numbers down conveyor belts that stretch from one side of the cavern to another.And while the things on the conveyor belts seem strange, yet they are very familiar.**

**A booming voice behind them startles the trio and they all jump in surprise.The voice is not threatening, but jovial and friendly.Still, when the children and Smith turn around, they are totally shocked to see a white bearded humanoid only slightly taller than Penny, greeting them with a hearty laugh and a broad smile.His red robe is lined with a rich looking white fur, his physical appearance could only be described as rotund.Will is speechless and Penny can only whisper, “Santa Claus?”******

**The man laughs again and nods, telling them that Santa is only one of his names.He welcomes them to a room nearby where they can rest, have treats and something to drink.The children, and indeed Smith, are totally in shock, but they follow.In the room, they suddenly find themselves filled with questions, which Santa answers readily.“How did he get to this remote planet?” they ask.**

**He answers very plainly.He was chosen by a more advanced race of space-going beings to be an emissary of good cheer and charity on various planets through the galaxy.He spent time on Earth, establishing gift giving and good will to the already extant holiday of Christmas.It was natural, he told them, to take something that already celebrated selflessness and happiness and make it even more beautiful than it already was.He took over from the bishop who gave gifts to the poor and then developed even more, leaving for assignments on other planets for a time, but going back to earth periodically.He took some of the Gorlinens from Gorlin, pointing to what the children took to be elves and that is where the legend of Santa’s elves came from.He used animals that resembled earth reindeer and they were the means of delivering the toys to the poor and children of the civilized world.When he finally left to work on another world, the legend of Santa was firmly entrenched, especially after he made a visit to a poet named Clement Moore.**

**Will asks him how old he is, and Santa laughs again.“Old as the mountains, but younger than time,” he responds.Penny wants to know who he is helping on this world.Santa looks sad for a moment and then brightens and explains.The people of this world are all underground because the planet’s orbit has drifted further away from its sun in its elliptical orbit.They can only come out every three or four generations when the planet is in its close phase.Santa is there to help bring happiness and cheer to the inhabitants who spend their whole lives underground.**

**As they all eat their goodies, Santa asks them what has been happening to Christmas since he left over a hundred years previously.Will and Penny tell them about modern technology, and Rudolf, and Frosty and all the other things that have added to what Christmas was like when Santa was there.He is happy that he and his mission are still remembered, but saddened that there seems to be so much commercialism involved with the holiday.Then he leans back in his chair and asks them all what they would like for Christmas since it is near that time on earth.**

**Penny and Will are flabbergasted that Santa would still be keeping up with that, but Santa chuckles and tells them that he keeps up with all the worlds he has been to.He peers at Smith and shakes his head, telling the older man that he has been extremely naughty but he will give him a gift even so.Smith asks, indignantly, how Santa knows all of this.Santa pushes a button on his chair and one whole wall opens to reveal a huge communications center.He pushes another button and a replay of a few of Smith’s activities show for all of them to see.Smith looks thoughtful.Will thinks a moment and then says that he would like something nice for everyone in the family, including Don.Santa smiles and then asks the boy for specifics.Will complies, an inexhaustible battery pack for the Robot, a kitten for Penny (who beams, since she misses Debbie terribly), a nice new outfit for Judy, Judy for Don, (knowing that he is sweet on his sister), a replicator for his mom, a star chart that will get them to Alpha Centauri for his dad, and nice massage chair for Dr. Smith’s back.Penny wishes for a lab kit for Will, makeup for Judy since hers has long since been used, more food in the pantry so her mother won’t worry so much, hyperdrive unit that will work for her dad and Don, all terrain treads for the Robot, then she gazes carefully at Dr. Smith, who looks very anticipatory at Santa.He has been thinking about his gift.She wishes that Dr. Smith be sent home as he has wished for that all the time they have been lost.**

**Smith looks at her in surprise and finally says, “You would do that for me?”She nods and smiles, telling him that she wants him to be happy.For a moment Smith is taken aback and says nothing.He then tells Santa that he indeed would like to go home, but that he would also wish that the same thing be granted to the Robinson’s or to go to Alpha Centauri if that is where they would rather go.**

**Santa beams and says that the only thing he can’t accomplish is to make Judy and Don fall in love.“That is someone else’s department,” he explains.But he can do all the other things.He then calls several of his “elves” to escort the children and Smith back to the Jupiter II and invite the entire family to celebrate Christmas with him in his underground workshop. **

**The next day, the entire family gathers around a table loaded with a feast of gigantic proportions.They sing carols familiar to them and then listen to Santa sing songs of celebration of other worlds.They eat, talk about their travels and celebrate this Christmas that they met the real Santa Claus. **

**A week later the family is finally on their way to Alpha Centauri, while Smith is being taken by other conveyance to his hometown on earth.**

**Merry Christmas.**  
  
---  
  
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---  
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